Title: the ultimate test of my faith/ im so tired already.
Date: Friday, May 07, 2010
received my posting for my first rotation at CGH after orientation. MS outpatient! hais. the very thing i was dreading. the very area i fear the most. my weakest point.but i got to tell myself God has a plan for letting this happen. i just got to trust and let God do His work i guess. He will remain faithful as He has always been. He will deliver me. i got to believe in that or else i'll just die the next 6 months. it's definitely gg to be a trying period for me.
i want to work hard. Dont wish to let the pple who believe in me down. yet im not confident i can achieve that.it's just rrly rrly hard. But i thank God for sending me a good mentor. Help me Lord!
note to self: never do anything and expect something in return. i will not because i know i will not get it. but i know that i will continue to do what i have been doing till i run out of my means. because of love and hope, that one day it will be reciprocated back to me.
feel empty inside of me, an unexplained feeling of sadness . cant pin point the emotion now, dun know how to verbalise it to anyone. i'll just sleep away everything.
&so much I gotta give it away; 12:17 AM Title: A New Chapter Begins!
Date: Sunday, May 02, 2010
tomorrow is the day my life will change.
The day i step into the work force.
And the start of the rest of my life, where i'll need to grow up and mature.
Terrified beyond measure of what lies ahead, yet comforted by the fact that i have so many loved ones rooting for me;
My family, my beloved dear, my best friend and God(of course)
The road ahead will definitely be long, tiring and full of obstacles, but as long as i know i can come home to feel loved by them, i will be comforted by that.
My dear, im looking to you for support, please dont leave me.
I miss you so much every week! Happy 10th month to us! I Love You!
&so much I gotta give it away; 11:45 PM Title: the love of my life/ my 22nd Birthday/ Happy Birthday Daddy!
Date: Friday, April 23, 2010
i had a very beautiful birthday celebration this year albeit it was a quiet one as compared to the huge one last year for my 21st. BUT nonetheless, it was awesome in so many ways.
Dined at Gyu Ka-Ku Japanese BBQ Restaurant
on the weekend before my birthday with my beloved. indulged in rrly GOOD food man, but you spent a bomb that day and i felt so bad! thank you for taking the effort to look for places to eat and for making reservations and everything. I really appreciated the effort from you.
Had the surprise of my LIFE when you popped up in my room at 0000hrs on my birthday! I rrly wonder how did i not hear the gate opening, how you liased with my brother, how you managed to get the cake and the present when you had to attend some dinner in camp till quite late. You rrly amaze me! and ONCE AGAIN a very big THANK YOU to you!!
And finally had dinner with my family and you came along as well, although i know your heart will be in your throat the entire time . Thank YOU for doing it for me.
To my parents: no amount of thank-yous can thank you enough for raising me for 22 years; for putting in so much effort in nurturing me/us, making sure I/we got the best education, moulding our family into what it is today. At times though our views may differ but i've come to realise it was all for my/our own good. I'm grateful for the closeness we share as a family and i hope that we'll continue to stay this way even as all of us grow up.
Oh yes and HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! :):):)
My dear, thank you for sticking by me through this past year. it hasnt been easy. but you tolerated me and you compromised. we have our differences and i hope that we'll always be able to work through them and find a solution. And i hope that you'll continue to forgive me for my mistakes and shortcomings that i may have, because im not perfect. No one is. Only through this can we survive. I LOVE YOU MY DEAR!
&so much I gotta give it away; 12:28 PM Title: my time in the mountains/Chiangrai YEP!
Date: Sunday, April 18, 2010
i've been back from my overseas expedition trip about half a month ago. I must say im glad i din back out at the eleventh hour, because it was one of D-best trips i've gone for. we were living up in the mountains for almost 2 weeks, battling the gusty winds(at night especially), screaming at insects/bees/ ants/ grasshoppers/spiders in our room/ toilet/ bed and what have you. i have to admit im a highly pampered girl, and this is very new to me. so yea my boyfriend i know you've been thru worse haha (I LOVE YOU). our mode of transport was either by lorry or by foot. BUT the best part of the whole trip was rrly seeing the smiles and the laughter of the children/ teachers/ locals, it's priceless and it's so pure.these people have no hidden agendas whatsoever. through their actions, they taught me and im sure all of us as well, the simplicity of how life should be. we are all too often caught up with the materials in life we forget how to take a step back to evaluate our lives. we chase for perfection, to be the best and all, but at the end of our lives how many people have we helped/ touched/ took the time to care for them.
All of us who went on this trip are going to-be healthcare professionals, and i hope we all remember that all our patients need our love and care for them. i hope we'll rmb to use our hearts to treat our patients and give them our undivided attention, cos they need and deserve it.
Personal dedication: to the 16 people i spent up in the mountains with in a foreign land, it was an awesome AWESOME experience. we were different individuals brought together with a common purpose when we signed up for the trip, but we went away with friendships forged and memories! You guys are a great bunch of crazy people! i miss you all man!
when we started on this trip, some of us were homesick (i know i definitely was); the thought tht was running through my head was 'oh god we're only day 2,so many more days before we can head down to the city'..and i was counting down the days man! but towards the end everyone was relunctant to leave. the locals teared when we were leaving, but i felt that while we were there we only made things difficult for them when they had to help us with so many logistics as well. so i felt bad for imposing so much on them, yet they were so thankful to us. their actions rrly touched me, their hospitality is incredible.
Maybe one day, wen i just wan to escape this hustle and bustle of our country, i'll head there to teach english. they are so eager to learn. they are lovely kids!One day, one day...
&so much I gotta give it away; 10:23 PM Title: Youth Expedition Project/ Chiangrai
Date: Tuesday, March 16, 2010
tomorrow i'll be leaving for Chiangrai with the school for our youth expedition project.
it's been the most nerve-wrecking trip i've ever gone for.
the political situation is so uncertain; anytime it can just escalate and marshall law could kick in, which by then we would be in serious danger of the international airport being shut down. and even from now till tmr, there's still a possibility the trip could still be cancelled if the situation in bangkok changes.
its been so unpredictable. even in the last few days leading up to the trip we werent even sure if it was still on.
some part of me doesnt want to go anymore. the initial hype and excitement abt experiencing something new has died down. the thought of being away from my family and you for so long is killing me. and what's more, im gg to have to do my own laundry, deal with the uncertain terrain over there. today they warned us abt the mosquitoes being rrly big over there. i rrly duno how it's gg to be like; just preparing for the worse. oh wells, guess it's time to be independent.
i know you are very worried abt me surviving out there, im very worried myself too. i've never been put in such a situation and in such circumstances before. have faith in me okay, pray for me. i love you dear.
&so much I gotta give it away; 10:35 PM Title: we close a chapter in our lives/ goodbye to our times in NYP
Date: Sunday, February 28, 2010
well i've been wanting to write this post since exams ended on thurs, but it's been a fountain of emotions, and words just cant seem to put it all together.
but here goes.
exams ended, and its rrly ended for good this time round before i decide to further my studies, because thursday was OFFICIALLY my last day in NYP. my goodness how time flies rrly. all of us have changed so much over these last 3 years. we've grown to become finer individuals, sharpened at the edges, toughened up through all the emotional roller coaster rides we've been on. we definitely became emotionally stronger; wad we used to be so affected by, now we begin to see differently (in a different light), to value the more important things in life. through this course, it rrly threw us into the deepest pits in our lives where we thought to ourselves lets just leave this course altogether cos there's no way we're gonna make it out of the dumps. life was always rosy and relatively smooth sailing up till this point when we entered Physiotherapy. we were faced with our deepest fears, thrown into the ocean and left to find our way to shore by ourselves.
let me recount how life was like the last 2 months:
staying back till very late in school almost every day to have project discussions ( which were never ending)
we had assignments due which required extensive searches of literature reviews to the depths of the earth
FYP touch-ups before the finale presentation, after which had to consolidate everything; finishing thre report, going for viva and stuff
final exam preparations in the midst of CNY cum assignment due the day before the first paper
basically it was a life that had 'no day and no night' literally.
at tht time, i rrly felt like everything was so overwhelming seriously. there wasnt any light at the end of the tunnel. it's amazing when you think abt the something tht u never thought you could accomplish and then when u do, you rly surprise yourself. and tht's how it's been like for me these 3 years. everytime i tot to myself, how am i gg to get thru this, it always turns out fine but not before slogging my guts out. all of us are destined for great things, we underestimate our capabilities alot of the times.
at the end of the day, i noe despite all the difficulties this course brings i had a good hell of a time in this dreadful place; NYP. it's a terrible place to study. but it was also a place, i met so many great pple. my future colleagues-to-be. great friends, confidantes. i noe jolly well that i would not have been able to plough through all the shit above if not for this group of crazy people, whom i shared all the laughter with. who rrly have been my blessing. God's blessing to me. standing here at the footstep of another new journey that is about to begin, i noe that all this while God has been working in my life and His works have shone so brightly all these years. i prayed for Him to show me His purpose for my life, and He has been so faithful in delivering, in taking care of everything. He knew how tough this course was gg to be, and so He surrounded me with amazing pple to make everything alittle easier, to help me get thru this. i know words can never truly expressed the extent of how great my class has been, and how grateful i am for God's work in my life. everything was rrly planned properly.
all in all, we r one of the best batches that have walked the halls of NYP and our lecturers can attest to that. and it's not entirely in terms of academic but in terms of our cohesiveness, how great a joy the lecturers had in teaching us.
though we complain about all the workload and stuff, but after the last paper of Geron ended, i suddenly felt like there was a missing piece in my life alr. i asked myself 'now what'? parting, and gg our own seperate ways, with these wonderful pple is the saddest part of all. never thought it'd be this hard. looking at fotos on FB never fails to work my tear glands. im rrly going to miss EVERYTHING! EVERYONE! i have no regrets coming to NYP, taking this course and going on this un-orthodox route of not gg overseas to uni, because you guys showed me that it was all worth the journey and the ride. i would never have exchanged this for something else. all these memories will be with me always, and it'll be someting i'll always cling on to when when im down and out.
to have found you in the midst of my messy life is something i treasure dearly as well. i love you dear! you've made my life so much rosier.
&so much I gotta give it away; 3:29 PM Title: Brand New Year, 2010!
Date: Monday, January 04, 2010
it's been a gazillion years since i last blogged! been really caught up with school work and stuff.
but just to wrap up how 2009 was...i think it was one of the BEST years of my life. like literally! though at the same time i'd say it was one of the TOUGHEST one as well. went thru so many WARS..we thought to ourselves so many times how we'd make it thru and that we're doomed for sure, everything was just a crazy whirl. from the insurmountable number of project date- dues to the immensely difficult practicals we had to go thru before we could go on our non-stop-absolutely exhausting-unrelentless bombardment of 3 back to back clinical attachments. and on top of all this, off the record, there was the dreadful FYP that we had to make sure we still see to it as it was so easy to neglect it while we were so busy with our clinical work as well as examinations preparations. so many emotional break-downs, bucketloads of tears were shed--we really stretched ourselves to the limits (A levels doesnt even come close to the stress levels this course brings!). BUT through it all, it brought out the best in all of us, our friendships were strengthened. I grew close to pple i never were close to for the past 3 years, but because of circumstances or wadever it was, it really brought our class closer together. i know i've said this a million times but i really have the best classmates ever (thanks be to God man! Hallelujah); there's rrly no doubt abt this man. our last major proj (Hydrotherapy in Pulmonary Rehab) as a class before we breaked for the X'mas and new year hols, our lecturer said to us " of all the years she's been lecturing, we are the best group she's taken so far. she's never enjoyed herself so much in lesson".
PT2: you guys rrly rock my world! really dont know how i'd have survived these 3 years without you all. it hasnt been easy, but we've come so far. final lap yea!
and not forgetting getting to know you my dear. 2 years in the same team, you never spoke to me, but im glad you took tht step of faith/ courage. we've not been tgt for years or anything yet, but i can safely say that we've been thru quite alot of ups and downs partly because of the demands of my course that brought us on an emotional roller coaster at times. thanks for standing by me all this while, for being so tolerant and supportive through everything. it's v hard for pple outside our course to understand alot of things we go thru, i rrly appreciate you. i know it's not been easy on you. cheers to us in the coming year okay! i love you!
it's going to be hell of a year 2010. today's day 1 back in sch and we can feel the pressure is on alrdy. jiayou my friends. just 2 more months!!
God bless all.
&so much I gotta give it away; 9:35 PM